February is the month of love….some say money makes the world go around, but I’d love to see us get to a place where love makes the world go around! As humans, our deepest emotional need is the need to feel love.
Close your eyes (unless you are driving) and think for a moment, what does the word love mean to you? Then think about how does love feel to you? Think back to that first kiss, that feeling of floating, the pitter patter of your heart, the melting of your insides, the bursting heart, the smile on your face, the warmth throughout our body, or maybe it’s the first time your newborn smiles at your with love in their eyes, we feel all those same chemical responses in the body right?
Love is one of our highest levels of emotions, and it comes with a lightness in our being. Above love are joy and peace. Below love are many other emotions which you will notice get “heavier” as we move down the list….anger, fear, grief, guilt, and shame at the very bottom. There are other emotions in between, but I wanted to highlight these heavier emotions at the bottom of the list, knowing you’d understand the heaviness that comes with them. We are all energy and these emotions are energies too – when we carry around heavy energies, it weighs us down. When we instead enjoy and live in a place of the lighter emotions of love, joy and peace, we feel lighter, as if walking on air.
How do we move from one end of the spectrum to the other?
Well, that’s the life journey….and all along the way, we get to make choices. When we understand this, we can make better choices, as we can put our decisions through the filter of these lighter emotions and ask ourselves questions such as:
- How would I respond if I were responding from a place of love, rather than judgement, dislike or disapproval?
- How can I approach this from a place of love? Even difficult situations, can be approached with love.
- What does it mean to me right now to approach this from love, not fear or anger?
Sometimes it can feel really hard to approach situations from a place of love, because those heavier emotions are getting in the way, the anger, feelings of being unfairly treated or judged, or because of past history of feeling unjustly treated by others. This happens in family relationships a lot. Perhaps you’ve experienced and when it comes to family holiday gatherings, you are wary of attending because you don’t want to see someone there who triggers those heavier emotions in you – and you know they will, because they always say something to get under your skin…
There’s a few steps you can take here to help you stay in alignment with choosing love first.
1) Forgiveness.
Now before you react and think “why should I forgive them, they hurt me, I didn’t do anything, this is all their fault”, I want you to be open to the fact that forgiveness is the key to liberation from being a victim. It doesn’t make the other person right. It doesn’t condone their behavior but it puts you back in control of your thoughts and feelings. It frees you from the imprisonment of the pain. This is a choice that allows you to move forward. Very often we carry painful experiences with us, and the only person it impacts is ourselves. The other person doesn’t even realize they’ve hurt us or that we are still harbouring the pain and they’ve moved on with their lives, but we are stuck in this place, carrying the pain, resentment, avoiding the person and more. When we forgive, we free ourselves from all of that, to live our life from a place of love!
2) Don your love bra or love cape for family events!
I love this one….the idea is that prior to going to a family event, where you know you’ll see someone who triggers you, put on your imaginary love bra or love cape. This is super powerful, as this bra or cape will protect you. You see, only love can enter your body through this protective layer, it repels all other emotions, and only love can come out of your body via this love bra and cape. It takes some practice, but it really helps you focus on what is important in the moment – love – and to shine that out to those around you and to only accept love in, from those around you. I have had many clients bravely don their love bras and capes before family weddings, Thanksgiving or Christmas gatherings and report back that the event went much more smoothly than expected and they enjoyed it more than they thought they would as a result.
Avoidance of issues just has us carry around heavier emotions for longer, bogging down our physical being, draining our energy levels and weakening our immune system too. When we instead can address them from a place of love, or release them through forgiveness or both, we can elevate ourselves to a higher energy level, and feel lighter, calmer and happier in the process. And the more we practice this, the more people we draw into our circle that are functioning at the same energy level, focusing on love, which expands our love circle exponentially and results in us living a happier, more joyful life. Lovely truly can make the world go around, as we continue to expand our circle and the natural ripple effect that happens as a result. At Tony Robbins says, energy flows where attention goes, when we focus on love, the energy of love expands and flows. And then you get to feel those light, happy, warm, joyful feelings all the time!!
So now that you understand the energies of love, let’s talk about love languages, as these matters in how you relate and build relationships with those you love the most!!! This is the work of Gary Chapman and his book The Five Love Languages.
The 5 Languages of Love are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch.
We all have some of these within us, but generally have 1 primary language. Understand your own primary language and that of your partner, which may be very different to yours, can be incredibly helpful in you being able to show your love for them in a way that they can receive. If their primary love language is acts of service, there is no point buying them gifts to show them how much you love them. They’d much rather you help with the laundry and dishes!!
This doesn’t just relate to romantic partners but also to your relationship with your kids too.
Here is the quiz so you can find out the love languages of your whole family! https://www.5lovelanguages.com/start/
Have fun discovering your love languages, donning your love bra or love cape, and finding every opportunity to lead with your heart and come from a place of love, lightness, happiness and joy!
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